16 German spinsters

Respectable German Spinsters both lovers of the arts
They picnicked with the reverend Green and shared a rhubarb tart
Then sherry at the vicarage plus ping-pong on the lawn
Too soon it was reported that his trouser leg was torn
He started dressing smartly his nasal hair sheared
He took up Morris dancing and he grew a Prussian beard

Respectable German spinsters they had a taste for Gin
They hired in an artist who was Japanese and thin.
He wore a clever loincloth a turban and a smirk
His medium was rubber and he clearly loved his work
The sculpture was appalling and certainly obscene
It bore no true resemblance to her Majesty the Queen

Respectable German spinsters they had so many friends
They threw a summer party on the holiday weekend
The number plates were foreign, the occupants oblique
Apart from several Serbians who did not wish to speak
They hired Mr. Smoochie the “mobile disco man”
His web site was abandoned and they never found the van

Respectable German spinsters the rumors grew and grew
One night village unified and up the lane they flew
The brownies carried torches the flames were hot and red
Oh we know what your doing here the largest banner read
The reverend tried calm them they tied him to a pole
They brought the sculpture crashing down and cast it in a hole

They tried to storm the main doors they found them bolted shut
The mayoress gave a rousing speech on foreigners and smut
They all sang Rule Britannia and then God Save the Queen
The ladies netball captain smashed the sister’s window screen
That seemed to start the frenzy the place was set a blaze
Then someone shouted there they go they’re headed for the maze

The netball team responded they gave a brutal cheer
The Major followed smartly with an ancient Zulu spear
They plunged into the labyrinth quite fearsome to behold
The reverend shrieked in Latin from atop the swaying pole
Someone produced a mantrap but this seemed far too late
The sisters with athleticism leapt the five bar gate

They reached the nearest hilltop and lit an orange flare
The sound of rotors overhead swept through the cold night air
They took hold of the harness let down from over head
Their faithful Marcus winched them up and off the chopper sped
They circled round the statue, recumbent in it’s hole
They plucked the hapless Reverend from off his lonely pole

The mayoress fired an air gun the brownies gave a cheer
Then someone mentioned skittles and a decent pint of beer
The major got his spear back the girl guides sang a Hymn
The parish council disappeared the crowd grew quickly thin
Some trouped off to the kings head, some to the willow tree
The rest dispersed discreetly and were home in time for tea