• Test Match Special - The Ashes Poem

    It’s time again for twenty-two
    To stand fore-square upon the turf
    The baggy green and navy blue
    Let cork and leather strike the earth

    The willow-crack the ball in flight 
    Oh quicken hearts and hungers burn
    The gold and green, the red and white 
    In quest to hold the sacred urn

    But can it be true what the papers all say?
    The Aussies are lost and in deep dissaray? 
    With talk of indiscipline throwing the book
    Of Arthur’s dismissal or Warner’s right hook

    And will Clarky turn up? Will Watson survive?
    Can Agar and Hughes keep the Aussies alive?
    Will Trott be on shot? Cook hit the boil?
    With KP the nuts and Jimmy the foil

    Will England be ruthless and brutally strong?
    Or will the whole thing go unfeasibly wrong? 
    To the echoes of gleeful Australian cries 
    About rabbits in headlights and ‘chuckers’ of pies

    For it wouldn’t take memeralogical* classes 
    To recall the Kiwis where kicking our arses 
    Just six months ago, so shall we say no?
    But if asked to place odds, now which way would one go?

    For the summer is young and its starting to flow
    So it’s out with the mic and it’s on with the show


    Aggers is anticipating, 
    Boycs is busy barbilating 
    Blowers encapsulating 
    Ashers is corroborating

    Vaugny is expostulating, 
    Grumpers coolly cogitating, 
    Victor is extrapolating, 
    Tuffers is discombobulating,


    Tune in for patter on bowler the batter
    From Devon to Dacca, from here to the WACCA
    As cricketing matters went off like the clappers
    There isn’t a doubt that we’re in for a cracker, 

    From under to over From Dubai to Dover 
    To Woolamaloo we’re all here for the test 
    (Now available on iplayer app)
    For the last word in commentary, from the audio promontory,

    Of Test match special, quite simply the best

    *new word