• Hotter than Barbados

    A sniff, just a sniff of the sun in the sky.

    And ours is not to reason why.

    Yes it’s ten mile tailback, caravan carve up
    Beer bellied lobster, white leg and sandal
    Fish and chip sunburn, vampire seagull
    Prison camp rock pool, winkle internment

    Pensioners crinkle and babies explode
    As buses make sticky black grooves in the road
    As media banners do testament pay
    That it’s 'Hotter by far than Barbados today'

    'Hotter than Tunis' 'Hotter than Rome'
    Windbreak partition and cool box and dome
    Tent to annex a square foot of sand
    As we strip to our ‘cozzis’ and seek to be branded

    And burnt like a beast on the spit
    Before struggling off with our mountains of kit
    To the car, where we sit and we move and we sit
    And then move and then sit and then sit for a bit

    Crawling home after dark much more dead than alive
    With a look of surprise that we really survived
    Then we gingerly say in the cruel after glow
    ‘I think I’ve definitely caught the sun, you know?’